Banned from zoo.
Again?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So vagazzling was a success
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
