I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
