I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize