who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
