So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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