there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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