how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't turn off my feet"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
