false alarm. still invincible.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize