Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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