the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
