You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
