those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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