and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
