after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
