My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize