hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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