dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
