i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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