At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
