I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
