I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize