Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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