My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
