So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
