I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
