come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
