Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
