Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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