So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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