is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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