Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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