I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
