You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
