Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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