so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish you could order shots online.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
