if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
