you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
