My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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