In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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