She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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