i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
