im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
