she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize