yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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