so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
