life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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