alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
