i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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