Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
