Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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