We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
