I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
