she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
