FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize