Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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