Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
