Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
