The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
