terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
