then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
