Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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