I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
