are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
