he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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