see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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