Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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