you would pick up someone in the library
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize