Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize