are you still at the devil's house?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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