so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
