Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
