I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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