im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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