my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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