Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
