you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
