his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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